Letter to my grandfather and daughter

Dear Gramps and Nydesha,

There are no two people in this world that my heart pains more for. Next to God, there’s nothing that can stand beside you. You are the people that I owe the most to in this world.

On the one hand sits my grandfather who took me in, raised me, gave me all he could unconditionally and stood with me when the world crumbled at my feet.

Then there’s my daughter whom I brought into this world and failed miserably, and owe everything in my being to.

Regardless to the legal ramifications of my guilt, I am here because I made the wrong choices in life. The bottom line is that I put myself in the hands of strangers when I should have put myself in the hands of my family. For that I am in deep regret and pain and sorrow. Though we love each other, though we embrace with sincere passion- there is that sorrow deep inside that we cannot be one.

I now push forward in this journey to try and make what mends I can. I know that as long as I am on this side of the fence that we can never have the upmost joy. But, it is incumbent upon me to live my daily life whereas we may experience the closest to it.

Though the fight is not over, what is just as important as freedom is that I let nothing divide me from my family again, that I let nothing be more important than you.

Through genetics and spirit we are one thread. We are a united living being. In my youth I failed to know that. In my maturity I see the science of it and also feel the spirit of it rushing through my veins.

I ask you for your forgiveness. And I ask you to never pull your familyhood from me. Without you, I am nothing. Without you I cannot be.

My prayer is that we have peace among us. Peace of mind and peace of spirit. Everyday I say that prayer. And everyday I ask for the strength to do what I have to do as a man, son, father and child of God. Together, it shall be so.